New Year's Resolutions

I am getting my New Year's Resolutions done early to avoid the rush. In no particular order, here they are:

1. I will stop using hyperbole when I speak. I mean, I do it, like, a million times a day.

2. I will once and for all find out if "gotten" is really even a word.

3. If "gotten" is really a word, I resolve not to use it because I don't think it should be a word.

4. I will stop eating sugar, which is going to be really hard since I recently discovered heaven in powdered form

5. I will get back to running. Along with the no sugar thing, I will be a SPECIMEN OF GREAT HEALTH

6. I will delegate more of the cleaning to my children. Kyle mopped the living room today of his own accord. And liked it.

If done correctly, I figure 2008 will turn me into one hot babe with impeccable grammar and a clean house.

Stocking Stuffer Guilt

I bought a six-pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Trees for the kids' stockings. I only have 4 kids so hey, someone has to eat the two extra trees, right? So what happens if you eat, say, three of the trees? You have to buy a whole new pack since you no longer have enough to put in four stockings. So now you have six new trees(four needed for the stockings) and three left over from the first pack. What is a mom to do?

The Recommended Daily Allowance

Just what the doctor ordered.

Pictures

So I decided on a picture for Scott's Christmas present. I cropped the pic a little so he and Nat are not in the center anymore and I can see some of the tree. I got black and white AND color because I couldn't decide :>)

Here it is:


and color:

I love this.

I took this picture of N while we were in Kansas. I love it because her smile is so natural. She just looks so cute! I got an 8x10 of it so I can finally start hanging pictures in my house. We have been here three years and I have 1 picture up on the wall! Yikes!

Photography is something I have always loved. Visiting The Pioneer Woman's blog has made me not a little envious of her camera. I think I need an SLR camera :>) So if you don't know what to get me for Christmas, this will do.

How about this one?

Okay I zoomed into the pic a little. I like it but the anal part of me is going crazy that the whole fishing pole isn't in the picture, LOL Is that too anal?



Oh, I just realized the color is different too. I will have to adjust that.

Which one?

I have Scott's Christmas present picked out.

Black and white? Or color?







P.S. Remind me to turn the date stamp OFF on my camera. Taking it off all the pictures is a pain. Luckily this one had a lot of grass so it wasn't too bad.

Depressing.

I hate being depressed. Really. Really. Hate. It.

This time of year usually brings it on. But with the added stress of something that happened with one of my kids, evacuation, etc, etc, it just feels so much worse. I have racked up $75.00 in late charges this month for not paying bills. I could have, but there they sat. I just haven't felt like it. I owe a letter to someone and I just can't seem sit down and write.

I feel like my whole life is like this right now. I am watching it all go by but just watching is all I do. It doesn't help that my husband thinks mental illness is a character flaw rather than a health issue. Not that it matters what he thinks but it sure would be nice to have support rather than answers.

Put the kids in school then.

Throw away all their toys.

Eat off paper plates.

Blah, blah, blah.

I felt this coming on, as I always do so I have tried to head it off at the pass. I have been making sure I clean the kitchen thoroughly at night, every night. Just that one little act has helped me feel like I have some semblance of control. I also have started taking fish/flax/borage oil capsules and I have noticed a difference in my temperament with the kids. They should call them "No Yelling Pills" because I haven't been. YAY!

In other, less depressing news: nope, can't think of anything.

Dear Diary,

I have several old diaries stuffed on top of my bookcase. They are hidden up there because they are from my Junior High and High School years. I don't know why I have them. I am pretty sure there is nothing edifying in them. The few times I have read through them in the recent years have made me blush and feel downright embarrassed.

I hate to throw them out because they symbolize who I was at those times. Yet, I don't want to imagine my grand kids finding them in a dusty old box and poring over my most intimate of feelings and experiences. Is that what I want my legacy to be?

Would/Do you keep things of that nature?

I finished.

Last night I stayed up way too late to finish the last Harry Potter book. I didn't have much of an opinion one way or another on the books before starting them. Macy has read and really enjoyed them so I thought I would give them a try.

From the very first book, I was drawn in to the world of Harry, Hermione and Ron. The books are fantastically clever. Written over 17 years, they are well-thought out and flawless.

I laughed at myself sometimes when I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen next. The books were definitely page-turners. They were hilarious, brilliant, irreverent , and magnificent. Lots of laughing out loud.

Ultimately, though the books were a tale of friendship like no other, redemption and ultimate sacrifice. I wept at the end(and other places in between) as the story unfolded and people paid the price to pave the way for what must happen.

Back Home

We got back today and all is fine here. The fires are still burning, but we are not in any danger. Two families I know have lost their homes so please pray for them if you think of it.

Taking Inventory

We are evacuated from our home due to the wildfires right now. We are safe at my moms in Corona. We had pretty much all day to pack yesterday but it didn't take us that long. There really isn't all that much that we couldn't live without. We got all of our pictures and a few clothes. Favorite stuffed animals, toys. Two dogs, 1 cat, 5 birds, 3 fish. I found out that Macy had tucked away the 6th Harry Potter book I am thisclose to finishing as well as the 7th. I love her.

We actually left before the official evacuation order so we had plenty of time and didn't have to rush. Last night while trying to fall asleep I took inventory of our house to see if I had missed anything. The only thing I can think of is our tapes from our old video camera. There are other things that I would be very sad to never see again like the sideboard that Scott made me or all my shoes :>) but it doesn't take long to realize that all I need is already here with me.

Our 2007 family vacation started with a drive to Williams, AZ and then a train ride from there to the Grand Canyon. The train was fun with traveling musicians and a train robbery. The Grand Canyon was , of course, gorgeous. Scott was terrified the whole time that one of the kids was going to fall off the edge. We got some happy family photos in between the fighting and yelling at the kids not to get too close.



Me and the kids before boarding the train in Williams, AZ for a ride to the Grand Canyon.


Natalie on the train ride enjoying a soda.



Family pic in front of the Grand Canyon, obviously.




Kids on a rock. Most of the pics of Natalie that day show her in this exact pose. Who knows?


Gotta have a shot of the canyon.



Merry Christmas! You'll be getting one of these in the mail.

More to come...

Pics to come soon...

We just got back on Friday from the family trek to Kansas. We had stops along the way to the lovely Grand Canyon and the Meteor Crater. Lots of sights seen and pictures taken. Good old Kansas cooking. I couldn't wait to get home and see a vegetable. No offense to any Kansans :>)

It was mostly a good trip, the kids waited until the drive back(3. days.) to start fighting.

To tide you over, here is a favorite moment:

Scott's mom made her spaghetti sauce for dinner. It really is YUMMY. We all dished up and Kyle said "no thanks" to the sauce. I was still dishing up and he comes back from the dining room and asks for sauce. I gave him some and then we all sat down. MIL looks at Kyle and says," Oh, you decided to try my sauce after all."

"No, not really. It's just that the noodles are tasteless."

That kid makes me laugh.

Happy Birthday, Natalie!

I rocked my baby to sleep tonight. She was overly tired and crawled into my lap while I watched "Private Practice." We snuggled and I wept. I cannot believe my "baby" is 5.

I still think of her as being 3 or 4. Five is just beyond my comprehension. Yet the past few weeks, I have noticed a difference in her. Her vocabulary, her understanding of things, the questions she asks.

She tricked the tooth fairy a few days ago. She sucked a peppermint down to a bumpy little piece and held it out to me saying that she had lost a tooth. She asked for an "enjelope," stuck her tooth in it and placed it under her pillow that night.

The next morning she brought the dollar to me and covered her mouth as she giggled and whispered, "It was really a pempermint," and then ran off to show her brother and sisters that she got a dollar.

I had to laugh, not only at her and how darn cute and funny she was, but at myself. Eleven years ago, I don't think I would have given a dollar to my DD for a tooth that wasn't even real. The "FIRST TOOTH" would have been too monumental a moment to mess around with and I would have told DD that the tooth fairy knew it wasn't a real tooth.

I don't take myself that seriously anymore. I can't. There are too many monumental moments out there waiting for us to mess with them.

Snuggle your 5 year old to sleep. Heck, snuggle your eleven year old to sleep. I'm about to right now.

Top Cop

Scott and I were invited to a dinner on Friday night. His LT. told us about it and said I had to come along, too. I had to rush out and buy a dress and heels(poor me!)

Turns out he won an award for going above and beyond the call of duty when he gave our car away. The program was called "Heroes with Heart"

We don't think of what he did as heroic and we were surprised completely by the whole thing. The award was in honor of a fallen officer and Scott feels very humbled and honored to be honored:>)

As he said in his speech, he didn't do it for any recognition. We are only here once, so give all you can.

His words echo exactly what God has been telling me: be generous

Dreamy

This week I have have had two very different dreams about my dad. One was very emotional and full of closure. The other was also very emotional but disturbing. Both broached the subject of his death. The first was soothing, healing, and exactly how I wish things had happened with our relationship. The second was heart breaking, disturbing. I could have helped him in the dream and didn't.
I struggle with that still. Why couldn't I have saved him from himself?

I just *knew* Latin would come in handy!

Macy and I are learning Latin together and I have to say it is pretty interesting. Words that sounded so, er, foreign to me now make sense: declensions, and all that :>)

Yesterday, tears in our eyes from laughing so hard, we came up with a phrase that in our house is sure to come in handy.

So, "Magnus Malus Ventus," welcome to our family vernacular!

P.S. If you need a hint, ventus means wind.

Think Honda should put this in their brochure?

One advantage to having an SUV over a minivan: Kyle announced today that he could now just throw his boogers out the window.

Dare I ask what he was doing with them before?

Law of the Universe #4,019

When a new container of bubbles is opened, said container MUST be knocked over within 60 seconds, thereby spilling at least 62% of its contents.

8 things I love about 8-passenger seating

In honor of our new car, I will celebrate 8 things I love about 8-passenger seating(in no particular order):

1. There is an empty seat between each child.

2. Between each child there is an empty seat.

3. No child will be sitting next to another.

4. No child will have another child sitting next to him/her.

5. No one will be sitting next to Macy.

6. No one will be sitting next to Kyle.

7. No one will be sitting next to Avery.

8. No one will be sitting next to Natalie.

Do I dare?

I am wearing capris and very unshaved legs. Do I change(or shave) before T-ball practice?

When do you?

When do you feel most beautiful? I am cheating and copying Drew Barrymore in this week's People magazine:

"Right after I've worked out and I'm sweating all over the place and my face
is two different colors of white and red and my hair is half wet, half dry and I
look like I'm about to have a heart attack. I feel like I've changed the shape
of my body temporarily into something more flexible and strong."

True that, Drew. Sometimes after a run I just want to scream it feels so good and I do feel beautiful. For the rest of the day I feel strong and empowered and that each movement I make has purpose.

The red and white face gives way to a glow on my cheeks that I just don't get from my "Rosy Cheeks no. 10" blush I usually use.

I can feel the glow from the inside out which spurs me on, knowing I will be all the more beautiful.

Early morning

So today I woke up to the sound of screaming. Scott has been out of town all week so the kids were all in my bed. Well, 3 of them were. Natalie was on the floor. Even with my blind-as-a-batness I could see blood near her eye.

I schlepped all 5 of us to the ER(why does this stuff happen when Scott is away?) 1.5 hrs, 2 stitches, 3 cinnamon rolls, 6 donut holes and 5 hot chocolates later, we were back home.

We slumped on the couch and watched AFV on the DVR.

Can you believe she did not cry during the anesthetic or the stitches?

Busy

I have been so busy the past few days. I finally have a minute to update.
My 30 hours were great. I got to watch some HGTV and get some deep cleaning done. I had my ice cream for breakfast, thankyouverymuch.

I slept in one of the kids' bottom bunks because murderers can't get you as easily as when you are in a King sized bed with 2 exposed sides *g*

My running date called and asked if we could go earlier. So we ran at 10:30 instead of 2 and I was able to run 1.5 m without stopping which I feel awesome about since I haven't run in 4 months.

She has a son who is the same age as Kyle. He is beyond thrilled to have a boy to play with. I am beyond thrilled to have met a mom up here that I click with.

See what happens when I get off the computer!?!? WOOHOO!!!!

24

Actually closer to 30 , but 24 sounded cooler. That is how many hours I will have to my self this weekendwhen Scott takes the kids camping.

I've got big plans, I tell ya. I have already bought my wood floor cleaner. I have list made of all I plan to accomplish and I have a pint of Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream waiting in the freezer. That'll be my dinner. Wi-i-i-i-i-l-l-l-d and crazy!!

The kids and Scott are leaving at 6:30 am. I wil go back to bed after they leave. Nah, I can't sleep once I've been woken up. I will work on my list and then I have a running date at 2:05 pm.

I am a little worried about being here all night all. by. myself, but I will barricade myself in the bedroom and hope I wake up in the morning.

Amy W. January 31, 1973-

As I reflect on the memorial service I attended last Tuesday, there are so many thoughts swirling around my head I can hardly capture one to get it out. It has affected me so profoundly I am still reeling from the experience.

Many people stood up to speak about Miss Jacie and it was very touching. I laughed along as I remembered stories about her. The most touching part of the service however, was the slide show. Nothing fancy, a few professional portraits thrown in, but mostly just candid snapshots. Being goofy, hugging her parents, sitting with her kids. After the slide show the screen showed her name and date of birth-date of death.

That simple one line changed everything. What matters is not the dates, but what happened in between them. The dash tells the whole story.

It hit me how utterly disconnected I have been in my life. There are real, living, breathing little people(and one big one) in my house who need me to be present. Not "later." Not "when I'm done on the computer." Now.

I have spent the last few years spending way too much time trying to get away by spending so much time on the computer. It has been an artificial substitute for what has been here all along. It saddens me to no end that the last 4 years of my 4 year old's life have amounted to me spending well over 100 days on the computer.

My dash is empty. Sure, we have memories and fun here and there, but I want to be completely and utterly devoted to living life. I don't want to hear, "probably on the computer," when my kids ask each other where I am. I don't want to yell at them to get in bed so I can have time to myself. I want to be present, active, real.
The mom God has in mind for my children.

So, I will be busy filling in my dash. I don't have grand dreams of a lucrative career, fame, or bungee jumping. But I do have more bedtime stories to read, blanket tents to construct, hearts to nurture, hungry people to feed, a revolution to start.

As for now, I have to go. My son is watching America's Funniest Home Videos and his laughter is irresistible.

Not enough time

There is just not enough time...not enough.

Out, OUT damn spot(ting)!

So it looks like AF will be here tomorrow. I am really not surprised but it is still hard not to be disappointed. *sigh*

Goodbye, Miss Jacie

Tuesday evening I will go to a memorial service for Miss Jacie, who taught at the preschool I used to work at. She died on Wednesday in a car accident.

Thank you, Miss Jacie, for your love of children, and thank you for your fun music and movement classes that the kids in my class loved to attend. To this day, hearing "Baby Beluga" and "Shoo Fly" brings you to mind.

You will be missed.

That hit the spot

Yesterday afternoon when Scott got home from his luncheon he brought me some flowers and Dark Chocolate Truffle from Trader Joe's. He said he hoped it would make me feel better, which is code for, "You are being a witch and gosh I hope you get your period soon so this is all over with."

I'm fine with that.

Typical

So I stopped keeping track of my fertility after last cycle. It was too much. I had the day Af would arrive pinpointed every month. I was tired of being disappointed. I didn't think it would work, not keeping track, I mean. I mean, how can you not notice EWCM?

But it worked, I have no clue when I ovulated. I have no clue when AF is coming. Well, I DO have running plans tomorrow with a new friend so that is sure to trigger it.

And now I am late. CD 44 and I am clueless. I am under no illusions that I am pregnant. But I learned that I prefer knowing my cycle to being oblivious.

And proof that horoscopes are a bunch of crap

I just clicked on to the MSN homepage and saw my horoscope. Yeah, that's accurate. Too funny!

You are going to be busy today, dear Aquarius, but happy. It is likely that a project you have been working on for a long time now suddenly yields some positive results. You can't help but be delighted, as this achievement comes at a time when you have been beginning to question your abilities. Well, question no more. It is clear that you are the one for this particular job. Since social activities are also highlighted, why not round up your team members and treat them all to lunch, to celebrate.

If I could

I would run away right now. The same people that are making want to are the very same who keep me here.

I just put the entire contents of a girls bedroom into trash bags.

I threw a purse at my daughter.

I told them I couldn't stand any of them.

We took a whole week off of school last week to work on attitudes and it did not the least bit of good. I have failed miserably in training my children.

I have not felt this much animosity towards my kids since I had PPD after N was born. I really want to run away.

Tips and Tricks

When guests are coming in the morning and you look at the stove to see the stain remains of the potatoes you boiled over on Easter, cover the whole burner with a cast iron dutch oven. Not only can you not see the stain, it lends to the kitchen a certain rustic charm.

No time to wipe off the kitchen table? Throw a table cloth over it. The table looks fabulous and whatever is stuck on the table helps keep the tablecloth in place.

Growing up

In about 6 months, I will officially be done wiping butts. 5 is the magical cutoff age here where you're on your own. I mentioned that to Scott today and was happy, but wistful. Nothing like being engrossed in a book just getting ready to sit down and hearing, "Mom, I'm done."

Two of my kids no longer take baths, no one wears diapers, no more baby spoons, sippy cups. Our stroller broke a few months ago and there was no reason to replace it. My Maya wrap and cloth diapers(both used only with Natalie) sit in the closet, discarded way before their life expectancy.

I could try the "get rid of your baby things and you will get pregnant" method but since I would be aware of what I was doing, it wouldn't work.

Or, I could get rid of them and then they would just be gone.

My family is growing up.

And I am ok with that.

As we sat at the breakfast table this morning, all six of us and did Mad Libs while we ate, my heart rejoiced in the 10 year old filling in the blanks, the 8 year old laughing so hard he had tears, the 6 year old quietly giggling to herself and the 4 year old whose contribution to the 'plural noun' blank was "baby buttocks." And we mustn't forget dad who had to be reminded what an adverb was.

I still feel like someone is missing from our family. But until I know for sure, I will thank God for this silly, irreverent bunch and the joy they bring me.

How gross can I make my first post?

Seriously, its gross.

So, Scott recently abdicated his job of picking up the dog poop. The task fell squarely on the kids' shoulders because I sure as heck am NOT picking up dog poop. Every other morning, a team sets out armed with a rake, shovel and trash bag.

I guess the task is so crippling, they had to make up code words for the poop just to be able to cope. We have the meatloaf, the sausage, the pancake and the newly christened funnel cake. I can figure out the first three. That last one, I don't even want to know.

During the day one kid or another will lean into a sibling's ear and whisper, "meatloaf" which gets them all howling. I love inside jokes, so this makes me smile.
Sick, I know.

Each day's bounty is tallied by how many of each type was picked up. A report upon entering the house is mandatory. Whatever gets them through, I guess.